


do you all see the memories?

by memoriesaremine, shipsthatcouldshowyouthestars



Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid, His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Found Family, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kidnapping, Kinda like The Maze Runner but Worse, Minor Tom/Becky, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Torture, lots of trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26236240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memoriesaremine/pseuds/memoriesaremine, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipsthatcouldshowyouthestars/pseuds/shipsthatcouldshowyouthestars
Summary: They feared themselves because they were taught to, the destructive capabilities that they had - the fact that they would be outcasts, shunned. Blamed for the end of the world they didn't cause. If people tell you that for a long enough time, you start to believe it. They were told they were only alive because they were useful. Once you stopped being useful, you started being expendable.--A Post-Apocalyptic, Magic AU featuring a few familiar faces, some OCs, and a lot of descriptions
Relationships: Becky Barnes/Tom Houston, Grace Chastity/Original Female Character, Lex Foster/Ethan Green, OFC/OMC
Comments: 25
Kudos: 6





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone !! welcome to liv and kat's THIRD longfic !!!  
> (we say as none of the previous ones have been finished khkjsdhf)
> 
> it's time to explain the OCs!!! yay!
> 
> Noel - Charlotte's niece (Charlotte, afaik, is not making any appearances)  
> David - Grace's twin brother  
> Lyanna - Hugo and Elsabeth's little sister  
> Elsabeth - Hugo and Lyanna's big sister  
> Hugo - the middle pekkala child 
> 
> Hi, your friendly co-author liv here!! 
> 
> just for a little context: Elsabeth, Hugo and Lyanna are originally His Dark Materials OCs that I stuck in here because, and for those of you familiar with the series, they're Serafina Pekkala's kids, and I may or may not post a fic about them eventually but that literally doesn't matter in this story lol
> 
> alright, that's it for OCs, enjoy !!

_ Stark, unyielding white walls that seemed to stretch on forever, lined with doors that held passlocks or combinations. None of the facility’s inhabitants quite knew what was behind them. Only whispers and a chill of fear. Fear of their captors and themselves, no memories besides their name and, if they were lucky, one or two details. They feared their captors because of the complete control they had over their fate, and the fate of the loved ones you had to cling onto in order to survive. Fear of what they would do if there was a step out of the rigid line that had been created. Rules were broken, of course, as children and teenagers were bound to do, but there was more apprehension, more fear of what would happen if they were caught. They feared themselves because they were taught to, the destructive capabilities that they had - the fact that they would be outcasts, shunned. Blamed for the end of the world they didn't cause. If people tell you that for a long enough time, you start to believe it. They were told they were only alive because they were useful. Once you stopped being useful, you started being expendable.  _

_ Elsabeth was a very, very useful tool. More useful than her power over lightning, which was thought to be secondary, was her uncanny ability to spot a liar. Someone could be absolutely confident in their lie, it could be rehearsed a hundred years and still Elsabeth could tell. So, once a week, after they would make her fight and push her body to its limits, they brought her into the head office to spill everything she’d overheard. Anyone who’d told even the slightest lie to their superiors. And she would do it. Not because her disobedience would get  _ her  _ punished, if it was only her life on the line, she would’ve told them to go to hell. She did it because of her sister. Lyanna. Elsabeth may not have known much about herself, but she did know that Lyanna was her sister. They had left that in her head. They had made it very clear that Elsabeth’s punishment for her failure to cooperate would fall on her sister, and that made Elsabeth very, very obedient. That and the alcohol she was allowed to have after she finished her report, the alcohol she tried not to depend on. Lord Boreal, the one who dealt with her directly, knew that he could rein her in this way. And, as further incentive, he told her secrets. Elsabeth liked knowing secrets. Secrets gave you power, and, when you could spot a liar, you were the only one in your life who could truly ever have secrets. All this, they thought, would keep Elsabeth in line. Keep her lying at their feet. However, they made a grave miscalculation in their arrogance. Elsabeth could spot a flawless liar, and they could make her tell, but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t a flawless liar herself. Listening to lies upon lies that the superiors believed before she was brought to debunk them really taught one how to let lies loose. And they believed her, because they believed she didn’t have it in her to lie. They were too arrogant, too blind to understand that although they’d taken her memories, buried them deep in her head, they hadn’t stolen away her ability to scheme. Or to hope, as bleak as it might have seemed.  _

_ At night, she spun tales with her roommates of escaping, of someday making it out of the facility, to wherever they could be safe. Where their siblings could be safe. Where they could be okay.  _

_ Lex clung to those dreams with everything she had. For herself, and for her sister. Hannah. Like Elsabeth, she knew that Hannah was her sister like she knew her name was Lex. She fought harder than anyone else, pushed herself to the verge of collapse because it was the only way to keep them safe until they could escape. They were pleased with her. They let her see Hannah when she rested. She had to trust that Noel would watch Hannah, keep her safe, take care of her while she was fighting as a soldier. That’s how she stayed useful. At nights, her body, pushed to the brink and mind spinning, she’d stare up at the ceiling and wonder how she was going to last another day. She’d remind herself that she had to last another day, no matter what. She had to survive, for Hannah, even though death would be the easier option.  _

_ They had to trust Noel with the kids during the fighting. She was the only older kid not trained to fight, but to care for the younger kids. She had as many as forty in her care during the long days, screaming, crying, magic exploding from their fingertips at any minor emotional outburst. She became numb to it, eventually. She would just sit there, staring at all the children crammed in a room too small for forty, as she tried in vain to teach them to read and write. They should know to do that, at least, the superiors thought. They would be useless soldiers if they didn’t know. She’d grown accustomed to screams and cries, almost blocking them out as if they were white noise to her. Sometimes, Lex and Elsabeth were jealous of her. She didn’t have to physically fight every day to the brink of collapsing. Her mind was always on the brink of collapse, though. Every time the superiors looked at her funny, a burst of fear went through her. If these kids died, it was her fault. She hadn’t done well enough. If they fell behind on a test, it was her fault. She didn’t teach well enough. She didn’t drill it into their heads quick enough, hard enough. The books were outdated and barely legible as the print faded with each finger that touched it, each zap of electricity, drip of water, flame, magic that touched it.  _

_ Most of them survived. What happened to the others, the ones who went behind one of those locked doors and didn’t come back, they could only guess. If they lived through the first test, Noel was given alcohol from Ada, the second of the three leaders. Lex hated watching Noel drink herself to sleep some nights. They were 17, three years since they’d been taken. Not anywhere close to a legal age to drink. Elsabeth did it too. Lyanna hated seeing her drink, so if Elsabeth was going to be around Lyanna, she refused the alcohol Lord Boreal offered her and tried not to let Lyanna see her cry. Noel, though, drank around the two kids to shut her mind up. It wasn’t that she wanted to, it was that when faced with the girls, she felt like she could fuck up so badly. _

_ Trust wasn’t something that was commonplace. Small factions were formed, groups of three or four or five that one could depend on. Everyone else was a threat. Elsabeth, especially, was looked at with suspicion and more than a little disgust. She was the designated rat. Some knew, when they weren’t punished for their missteps, that they were on her good side. But she didn’t hesitate throwing someone under the bus if a situation called for it. She wasn’t proud of it, but everyone in that facility did things they weren’t proud of to survive. She did it for Lyanna, for Noel, for Lex, and for Hannah. For them.  _

_ Eventually, Elsabeth stopped hoping things would get better. If there was one thing that she’d figured out in here, is that anything you wanted you had to get for yourself. She stopped wishing, and started scheming. She stayed up during the night, planning and re-planning. The hardest thing was to quit drinking, keep her mind clear. It wasn’t easy during the nights that Noel ended up in her room, a few empty bottles scattered around. Sometimes, she’d slip, drink herself to distraction and collapse on the floor. But her plan remained. Lying and scheming went hand in hand, after all.  _

_ She began to plant ideas of a revolution in the heads of her superiors. That certain members of the facility planned to rise up. Not her, of course not, or Lex, or Noel, they wouldn’t dream of it. They liked it here. Still, Lord Boreal was too arrogant to spot her lying. His suspicion fell on some of the others, he called for an investigation and thanked Elsabeth profusely for her assistance, and he blissfully looked away from any of them. They weren’t threats.  _

_ And then came their chance: the night the machinery in the eastern wing exploded. Nobody knew what happened, truthfully. Elsabeth knew the machinery, it wasn’t well-built or well-equipped to handle the level of chemicals they’d been putting in it. She’d been told as much. It woke Noel from another alcohol-induced slumber, stumbling to her feet and grabbing Hannah from her bed, trying to keep the small brunette asleep. She slipped her knife into her pocket. It seemed to come in handy. _

_ Elsabeth and Lex were already waiting for them. Lyanna clung to her sister’s side, her fear causing fog to fill the room, even though the smoke already was beginning to obscure it. The fog could almost entirely hide a person. Elsabeth had seen it before. Lyanna had freaked out in the classroom once before and Noel had to force Elsabeth away from fighting to help. Elsabeth could barely even find her sister. Which meant that their captors wouldn’t be able to either.  _

_ Without a word, they began to run.  _

  
  



	2. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the girls escape the facility and go far, far away.

Elsabeth dragged her sister along behind her as they ran. There were shouts of confusion and fear coming from all around them, and more than once Elsabeth and her friends had to dodge people, looking around in confusion for instructions. 

“They said to go to the arena,” Elsabeth would tell them. Thankful for any direction at all, they wouldn’t question her. 

They knew the facility inside and out. Years of living there only helped them with the escape. Sneaking around, looking for anything to drink or a place to talk where they know they wouldn’t be heard didn’t hurt either. 

The best place to leave was through the kitchen, where the staff that cooked their mediocre meals worked. They would be in their quarters now, beneath the facility, possibly the only place to sleep worse than their windowless bunkers with metal walls and army cots. The exit and entrance, which led to the garbage dump, wasn’t highly trafficked. They could get to the forest that surrounded the facility from there, and in that, with thick trees and a heavyset, ominous gloom over the whole thing, they could disappear. 

Blissfully, there were no servants about. No guards. No other captives, even, looking for an escape of their own. Elsabeth hoped that at least some of them would find a way out. But she couldn’t worry about that now. She could only worry about her group, her friends, her family.

There wasn’t much of a plan besides ‘get as far away from the facility as possible.’ They just had to run. Hannah was awake enough to wave her hand to let the bushes clear to show them the path, where to run to. They kept moving, even when the sun came up.

Any minute, they thought they’d hear trucks. Shouts of soldiers or even one of the facility heads, coming to take them back and make them wish they’d never thought of escaping. But, as time went on, they didn’t hear a single thing.

They didn’t have a destination. Just somewhere they needed to get away from. None of their memories were resurfacing, just memories of the facility and their names were at the forefront of their mind.

“W-we should stop,” Elsabeth said finally. The little ones were struggling to keep up with them, and half a day of running had taken its toll on her body, however good shape she was in from the constant fighting. Noel on the other hand was lagging behind with the little ones. Teaching was not a physically demanding job, only mentally. Hannah waved her hand and let them into a little clearing in the woods, closing it back up before sitting on the ground and laying her head in Lex’s lap.

“Do we have water?” Lyanna asked quietly. Her face was pale and she looked incredibly tired from her magic in the facility and all of the running. Elsabeth cursed herself for not calling a break sooner. She should have been paying better attention. Noel passed her some water, smoothing her hair down. 

“Drink, Ly,” She whispered, “You did a lot of magic. I’m proud of you, sweet pea.” 

Lyanna smiled at her before downing half the water bottle. Nobody said anything. The girls could go without, if they needed to. Noel could refill it with magic if need be. Elsabeth wrapped an arm around her sister, stroking her hair and pulling her close. 

“I’ll rebraid your hair soon, okay?” Elsabeth promised quietly. “I know it’s messy. You did amazing, Ly. I love you so much.” She looked over at Hannah. “Both of you did amazing.” Hannah nodded, letting Lex dote on her. The sudden events had left Hannah disoriented and still drowsy. 

“This is a good place to rest,” Lex decided. “There’s no way Banana’s going anywhere, and I kinda don’t want to either.” 

Elsabeth kind of wanted to keep moving, put as much distance between herself and the facility as humanly possible, so that there was no chance that they’d find them. 

“They won’t get us,” Hannah yawned. “Bushes are too thick.”

“Okay,” Elsabeth said quietly. “Rest here, then.” She felt Lyanna’s little head settle against her thigh, and kept one hand on her head, just to reassure herself her sister was there. “I’ll watch first.” 

“I can watch.” Noel said. “Get some sleep, Elsie.” She was sitting without a child in her lap, her hands picking at the white shirt she wore just like the rest of them. 

“No,” Elsabeth said. “Please. Just let me do it.” She felt like she was about to start crying, and she didn’t want the rest of her friends to see it. She never let anyone see her crying. Not even Noel and Lex. 

“Elsie,” Noel said slowly. “I cannot drink myself to sleep. Therefore, I will not be sleeping.”

“You haven’t slept in three days,” Elsabeth shot back. “Don’t think I don’t know, so, your body is going to give out. It’s either you sleep now or your body gives out tomorrow, and I’m not carrying you.” 

“I slept last night,” Noel protested. Elsabeth only vaguely remembered the alcohol being drank and Noel crawling into bed with her, only to be put back into her bedroom she shared with Hannah when Lex was at her brink.

“Please, Ellie,” Elsabeth said, her voice wavering. “I….just, please. I’ll let you watch in a couple of hours. I can’t sleep right now.” 

“Two hours,” Noel said finally. “Got it?” She laid herself down so her hands were under her head. “Goodnight, Elsie.”

“Night, Ellie,” Elsabeth said, trying to keep her voice light. She was glad she’d finally convinced Noel to sleep, because there were tears about to spill over. Finally, she did. Elsabeth only ever cried when there was no one around to hear her. Lex and Noel thought she was almost inhuman, because no matter what, she kept her head up, and didn’t cry. She comforted them through their tears, and looked at anyone who dared call them weak so ferociously they wished they’d never spoken. She’d never allowed herself to acknowledge what an awful person she was, because her day-to-day thoughts were all focused on survival. 

Now, though, that she was out of the facility, everyone was asleep beside her, and she didn’t have to keep her worries of her, her friends, or her sister being taken behind one of those doors, she could think about every horrible thing she’d ever done. She was no better than the leaders. She was no better than Lord Boreal. She’d told herself that she was doing this for her family, but she was selfish. She was an awful sister. An awful friend. The others had been right to hate her. She wasn't sure how Noel or Lex hadn’t hated her, or how Noel and her had even done what they did. She didn’t know how Noel had liked her enough to risk that. How Noel had even let her close enough to hold her hand under the table and even snuggle under the thin blankets after long, long days.

She’d pushed Noel away, eventually. Noel understood, and a few months later, it was her and Lex in the same position, but without all of the mushy feelings that they’d had. Elsabeth didn’t think she was worthy of those feelings, anyhow. She wasn’t worthy of having them or receiving them. She didn’t want to be the one to shatter Noel's heart like a wine glass. She’d deprived so many people of things, because of her lies, that she didn’t deserve to be happy. Deep down, she knew she was wrong, that she’d done what she had to do, and her lies had helped fewer people suffer, but it was easier to cry and hate who she was or drink to oblivion than to admit she didn’t know how to fix herself or tell herself that. 

Out here, though, she couldn’t drink. None of them could magic up wine or beer, or some of the vodka Noel got when an entire group of kids passed. So, it was the less pleasant option. She just hoped Lyanna wasn’t awake to hear her. Or any of the others. 

Noel was awake. She’d just been pretending to sleep to make Elsabeth happy, shutting her eyes and evening out her breathing, letting the few rays of afternoon sun that made it through the canopy warm her up. She was startled to hear Elsabeth crying like that. In their years at the facility, she hadn’t ever cried. Noel had always been the one collapsing into tears, wrapped in the thin blanket and crying into Elsabeth’s shoulder. Never the other way around. She wanted to roll over and comfort her. But she couldn't, for Elsabeth would be even more upset. So she didn’t do it. She laid there and listened to Elsabeth cry and cry. She admired Elsabeth even more now, because through all this, there was no shoulder for her to cry on. 

She stirred after what she assumed was two hours, rolling onto her back. “Elsie?” She asked quietly, propping herself up on her elbows.

“Yeah, yeah,” Elsabeth said, trying to hide her sniffles and looking down at Lyanna so that Noel didn’t see her red eyes. “You can watch now, I’m not gonna argue with you.” 

“Want me to take Ly?” She sat up, stretching her arms and legs out. Her body was stiff and sore.

“No,” Elsabeth said quietly, shaking her head. Her leg was numb but she would rather it fall off than be separated from Lyanna right now. “She’s fine here. I’ve got her, Ellie.” 

“Alright,” Noel nodded. “I got it. Go to bed, Elsie.”

Elsabeth didn’t argue. She just leaned back against the ground and closed her eyes. As much as she didn’t like it, her body was screaming at her to sleep. It was tired. Three days she’d been awake, struggling to plan and survive. Just like Noel had been. If it hadn’t been for the alcohol, Elsie was sure she would have gone much longer. Noel’s record was seven days without sleep. She’d gotten an earful from Lex about it, how Noel refused to sleep, how she refused to do anything other than work on ways to get the kids to learn faster. 

With that happy thought, Elsabeth’s exhaustion got the better of her. 

-

Now that she was alone, Noel had a chance to think. She’d just spent so much of her life teaching children how to read and write just for them to succumb to fighting. Countless kids’ names were erased from existence, as if they had never even come to exist in the world. She hadn’t been able to protect any of them. Only Hannah, Lyanna, and the one little boy who stuck by her side were the ones protected.

She didn’t know why she took the watch. If there were people coming, she couldn’t detect it. She’d learned to block out people. The screaming and crying of children was nothing but static to her. She was sure adults were the same. 

And even if she could detect them, she couldn’t fight. She was no warrior, no fighter like Lex or Elsabeth. She was useless. She couldn’t even protect her friends if the situation arose. She wouldn’t be able to fight anyone off. She was weak and underweight. She could see her own ribs. She slipped the kids food most nights, making promises to keep quiet in exchange for stale bread or watery peas. 

Elsabeth and Lex were concerned about that, she knew, but she always refused the food they tried to offer her. They needed it more. They were the ones fighting. She was just teaching. Her job didn’t require physical labor. The most exercise she did was picking up two to three toddlers at a time to hold onto her so they wouldn’t zap pictures off the walls. It was more mentally draining for her. Now, with nothing to do, her hands twitched and magic kept sparking. She grabbed the canteen and filled it with water. They’d need it.

She looked at the sun. They really should get moving when it got dark, the sun was already starting to set. It would be easier to walk at night. Cooler. Of course, that also ran the risk of wild animals and it was easier to be ambushed if you were in the dark. There was really no perfect option for a group of fugitives, especially magic ones. She touched the golden symbol imprinted on her under her left eye. The Eye of Horus. If only that wasn’t there, maybe they’d all pass as normal members of society. But every person knew what this symbol meant. The facility made sure of that. 

Noel buried her head in her hands. Maybe they should’ve just stayed, died in the facility. It probably would have been faster. But now there was no chance of that. If they went back, they would die, but it would be slow. Painful. They would be made examples. Even the little ones would suffer. 

There was no turning back for them now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment if you read !!
> 
> shameless self promo:  
> kat: @just-a-side-kick on tumblr  
> liv: @thegalwhoreallylikesmusicals on tumblr  
> :)


	3. Forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> grace and her friends get lost in the woods.

Grace was, to put it simply, completely lost. She had volunteered to lead the others out to look for supplies - anything they could use or sell, and now it was an entire day later, and she had no idea where she was. 

David had brought the apples that were ripe into the kitchen for Becky to clean and inspect. Half would go to the marketplace on Wednesday and half would stay with them, and then Grace and the others dragged him on the trip with them. Grace’s younger twin preferred to stay closer to the house, and not go on ill-advised adventures in the forest, but here he was.

“I thought you said you knew the way back,” David complained to her. “And now we’re lost.” 

“I do!” She snapped back. “I just need to figure out where we are.”

“That would be called ‘we’re lost’,” David huffed. 

“Stop arguing,” Ethan groaned. “Let’s just go back to where those blueberry bushes were.”

“There are lots of those,” Hugo said. “It’s a fuckin forest. We passed about five. Or maybe those were the same ones and we’re going in circles.” 

Hugo was the youngest of the group, at just fourteen, but he had just as much snark as the older ones did. Maybe more. He’d grown up in Ethan’s shadow, mimicking the older boy, giving everyone hell.

“We are  _ not _ going in circles,” Grace said. “We’re fine. We’ll be fine.” 

The first explosion, three years before, had devastated the world and left them all damaged. Grace and David had just entered high school when it hit. Then came the riots. It was a shitshow. Without a government to lead them or any clear direction, the people went crazy. The grocery stores went first, with people breaking windows, ripping out shelves and cleaning them out in a matter of days. The schools were next. Plenty of food and supplies there. Then, when all that was gone, people turned on each other. Anyone’s stuff was fair game, and people forgot that they were killing each other over a few boxes of cereal. David and Grace’s parents had been caught in the riots. They’d gone out one day, to try to help a family friend. They’d never come home. Ethan had a similar story, except the way he told it, the rioters had shown up in his house, and his mother had held them off, so that Ethan could escape. 

One way or another, they all ended up with Tom Houston and Becky Barnes, teachers at Hatchetfield High, and people all the kids trusted. So when Grace and David’s house seemed to be next on the list, Grace had made her brother pack what they needed, plus one or two things, and leave with her, and she’d run to the one place she could think of. 

They had all lost someone a few days before the explosion. Grace never got her coffee that her crush brought her all the time, and David didn’t get any pastries. Ethan’s younger cousin went missing. Who Hugo had lost, he never said. Whenever anyone would ask him, he’d snap at them to shut up. Nobody could get through to him, not even Ethan. David had known a girl, who he hadn’t heard from since the beginning of the riots. He just assumed the worst. One got used to that. The sad part was he didn’t even know her name - he’d seen her in school, she’d been new to Hatchetfield. She’d smiled at him across the English Lit classroom once or twice, and then two weeks later she’d disappeared before he could get up the courage to actually talk to her. Nobody knew what had happened to her, and nobody seemed to care. It was very unlike Hatchetfield not to gossip, but it didn’t seem like anyone cared.

Hugo was the exception. As far as any of them knew, he wasn’t from Hatchetfield. He’d wandered into Becky and Tom’s house a few days after Ethan had gotten there, eleven years old, distraught and all alone. Tom and Becky had taken him in immediately, but, unlike the others, he wasn’t forthcoming about his family, about what had happened. All he’d said when they talked about it one afternoon was that he’d lost someone too. 

“Grace,” David whined like a little kid would. “We just went in a fucking circle!”

“Will you quit it?” Grace snapped. “We’re not going in a circle.” 

“Yes we are,” Hugo said. “That tree? With the purple flower on it? We’ve passed it twice. Sorry, Grace, but I think you might have gotten us lost.” He sighed, “I’ll get us out. Come on.” He turned on his heel and began to walk in a different direction.

“It’s getting dark,” Ethan said, looking up. “Maybe we should...wait till morning? Find our way back then?” 

“That sounds like something I really don't want to do,” Hugo said. “I know the way out. Come on.”

“Thank God,” David said, because he really didn’t want to do that either. He adjusted his backpack on his shoulder. The trio began to walk behind Hugo. They hadn’t found much particularly useful besides the blueberry bushes, even though they’d been out all day. Tom and Becky were probably worried about them. Grace put the bags of berries in her hand. 

“Do you want me to carry those?” David asked her. She was obviously embarrassed about getting them lost, and David, as much as his twin annoyed him sometimes, wanted to be nice to her. 

“No,” Grace said. “I’m good. Thanks though.” She allowed Hugo to take the lead. He walked them along the trail. Nobody said much as they walked. They were all hungry, tired, and sick of walking. That didn’t make for great team building. They all just silently hoped Hugo could get them out of there before night fell. 

Grace swore she heard rustling off in the distance as Hugo stopped, a little puzzled.

“Those bushes weren’t that big before,” he stated. He pointed at a clump of bushes that looked unfamiliar to all of them. “We passed this way, but the bushes were a  _ lot  _ smaller.” 

“Maybe it’s a magic forest,” Ethan teased, squeezing his shoulders.

“Ha ha, very funny,” Hugo said. He didn’t seem to find it all that funny. He’d usually smile and roll his eyes at Ethan’s terrible jokes, but this time he seemed to get a little defensive. “Seriously, though. These bushes grew a lot.” 

“So, what  _ did _ happen?” David ventured. “I mean, it could be-” 

The sound of more rustling from the bushes cut him off. A little face poked through it, the Eye of Horus imprinted under their eye. 

“Lyanna,” a voice hissed, and Hugo went pale. Like the little face in the bushes was that of the most horrifying ghost he’d ever seen.

“But Ellie,” a girl’s voice protested. “They’re okay. They’re not, um, them. Maybe they’ll help.” 

“I said come back,” The girl sounded stern. “Come back right _now_ , Lyanna!”

“Hello?” Ethan ventured. “Who’s there?” 

He peered into the bushes, and then, before anyone could react, a girl appeared from the bushes, a knife pointed right at his chest. Instinctively, Grace moved to shield David from the new threat. The girl was about their age, but small, and skinny. Too skinny. Grace could see the outline of the girl’s ribs, and that made her heart sink a little. The girl turned and Grace had to fight down a strangled noise. Aside from the golden symbol imprinted on her right cheek, she looked the exact same as she had then. The day she’d disappeared. Behind her, David sucked in a breath. He recognized her too. It was Noel. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment if you enjoyed!!


	4. Jacket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> continuation of the meeting :)

Ethan’s eyes were wide. He wasn’t looking at the knife that was about an inch from just below his collarbone, or the wild, fearful expression on her face. Despite the knife, all Ethan could feel was relief. It was Noel. This was his  _ cousin _ . She was back. She was alive. He could’ve started laughing with relief. His relief must’ve shown on his face, because her eyes narrowed with suspicion. 

Ethan was confused until she opened her mouth. 

“Who the hell are  _ you _ ?” Noel snapped. The expression on her face was not the expression of someone who recognized her cousin, her old flame and her friend. This was the expression of someone meeting a stranger at night, and was deciding who to stab first so she didn’t get killed. 

The bushes rustled again and the rest of the group emerged from the bushes. There were four others, all girls. Two were around Noel’s age, also with drawn knives, and both looked irritated, more with Noel than with them. The other two looked around nine or ten. They all had the symbols under their eyes. Still, they were outnumbered five to four, and none of Ethan’s friends had weapons. 

Everyone was frozen, staring at one another. Noel made no move to kill any of them, yet. 

“Ellie?” Ethan said softly. 

“How do you know my name?” Noel pressed the tip of her knife to his collarbone. Everyone else gasped, and all tried to say anything to make Noel stop, but one of the other girls snapped at them. 

“Shut up,” she snarled, readying her knife. Everyone shut up immediately. “Ellie’s talking to your friend.  _ Let _ her.” 

Out of all of them, Hugo wasn’t even paying attention to Ethan and Noel. He was staring at the girl who’d spoken, and a smaller one who looked a lot like her. He was wide-eyed, and his expression was frozen in shock and more emotion than Ethan had ever seen him express. Ethan couldn’t turn to look at his face, while the knife was pointed at him, but he was surprised when Hugo reached into his pocket for something.

The girl he’d been staring at watched him, her knife ready just in case. Hugo tossed something small and shiny at her, and, instinctively, she caught it. Hugo took a deep breath and watched her, waiting. She stared at it, turning it in her hand. 

“Elsie,” Noel said, not looking away from the knife at Ethan’s collarbone. “What is that?” 

To everyone’s surprise, Elsie stumbled, her face going pale for a second. Ethan almost thought that she was going to faint. She looked from Hugo, to the necklace, and back again, her hands trembling. 

“Hugo?” She asked quietly, in utter disbelief. 

Hugo just nodded, tears welling up in his eyes. She dropped her knife and wrapped her arms around him. Hugo buried his head in her shoulder and held her close. 

“Oh my god,” she said. “Oh my God. I-I didn’t even remember.” 

“I figured,” Hugo said, holding her tightly. “Holy shit, Elsie. I thought-I-” He just put his head back in her shoulder to hide the fact that he was crying. “It’s so good to see you.” 

The little girl, who had been standing next to Elsie moved up next to her and smiled triumphantly. “See. Told you.” 

“You did tell me, didn’t you, Ly,” she said, smiling down at her. 

Hugo turned and immediately scooped her up, much to Noel’s chagrin. 

“Oh my God, Ly,” he said, brushing her hair out of her face. “You’re all grown up now.” 

“She is,” Elsabeth said. “And so are you. I can’t believe it. You’re almost as tall as  _ I _ am now.” 

“It’s been a really, really long three years without you,” Hugo said. 

“Noel,” Elsie said, turning. “Put the knife down. Lex, you too.” 

“Uh, Elsabeth?” Lex said, relaxing her knife a little. “Care to explain who this is and why you’re sappy all of a sudden?” 

“Guys,” Elsabeth said, turning to her friends with a smile on her face. “Meet Hugo. He’s my little brother.” 

Elsabeth smiled and slipped the shiny thing, a silver bracelet with princess charms on it, onto her wrist. 

“The bracelet,” she murmured. “It made me remember.”

“Everything?” Noel asked. She still had her knife pointed at Ethan, but it wasn’t right up against his skin anymore. Grace was staring at her in absolute shock. 

“Not everything,” Elsabeth said. “Just Hugo-and the time they bought me that. It was for my thirteenth birthday, and Hugo and Lyanna thought it was the coolest thing in the world to get me a charm bracelet with Disney Princesses all over it. I wanted a real Pandora, but I couldn’t disappoint them, so I wore it every single day. The day we were brought to the facility is the day I forgot to put it on.” 

“It was Ly’s idea,” Hugo mumbled into her jacket. He hadn’t let go of Elsabeth the entire time. “Don’t bring me into this.” 

Elsabeth smiled and ruffled his hair. Noel still had the knife hovering over Ethan’s collarbone, but Hugo, Elsabeth and Lyanna’s reunion seemed to put her off a little. She didn’t seem so intent on straight-up stabbing him anymore, which meant that maybe she wouldn’t kill him if he tried again. 

“Ellie,” he repeated. “It’s me. It’s Ethan. Your  _ cousin _ .” 

“...Cousin?” Noel said. “Elsie…” 

“What?” Elsabeth looked up from her siblings. “Oh, no, he’s not lying,” she said offhandedly. “Whatever he just said is true.” 

“Elsie, I…” She shook her head. “No. No. I don’t have any cousins. I don’t have any family. I…”

“This proves that maybe you do,” Lex said, gesturing to the trio who was happily reunited. She was watching it with just the hint of a smile on her face. Elsabeth seemed to have completely disregarded any of them as a threat, and was totally ignoring them in favor of doting on her siblings. 

“No,” Noel said. “No. I….I can’t forget something like that…” 

Ethan wondered what had been done to them to wipe their memories like this. He didn’t even want to think about it, but Hugo’s strategy had sparked an idea. He took his leather jacket off and held it out to her. Noel glared at it, not wanting to take it. Elsie pushed her arm to the jacket.

“Noel, take it.” She shot her a look when Noel tried to protest. “Seriously. I don’t know exactly how this whole memory thing works, but stuff that’s important to you seems to help.” 

Finally, reluctantly, Noel took the jacket. “Happy now? I…..still don’t remember anything.” She glared sulkily at Ethan. “So, either, your magic stuff trick didn’t work, or he’s lying.” 

“He’s not lying, Ellie,” Elsabeth said, in a slightly exasperated tone. “Maybe it doesn’t work all the time, I don’t know.” 

“Try putting it on,” Ethan suggested. He was getting desperate for ideas now. 

“Fucking-” Noel cut herself off. “Fine. I’ll do it so you stop looking at me like that.” 

She wrapped the jacket around herself angrily. For a second, nothing happened, and everyone watched and waited. Ethan heard Grace suck in a breath. He knew her history with Noel, and he was sure that she had some mixed feelings about her memories. 

For a second, nothing happened, and Ethan was about to give up hope, when Noel gasped and stumbled just the way Elsabeth had. Ethan had to step back to avoid being impaled by the knife. She drew the jacket tighter around herself, the knife falling from her hands, before she abruptly surged toward him and hugged him so tightly she almost cracked his ribs. 

“Hi, Ellie.”

“Ethan,” Noel sobbed out. She buried her head in his shirt. “Holy shit. Holy shit, Ethan.” She began to cry, breaking down in his arms. Ethan just held her, stroking her hair and holding her close. Lex and Hannah watched with some sort of caution. Everyone was a little bit more relaxed now. The familiarity that Noel and Elsabeth had with Hugo and Ethan was easing the tension. 

“What did I tell you?” Elsabeth said, a little smugly. She was watching the reunion with a smile, though, one arm around her brother and the other around her sister. She hadn’t even picked up her knife. 

“Shut the  _ fuck _ up,” Noel murmured to her. 

“Uh, guys,” Lex said, looking up at the darkening sky. “Since we’ve all decided to be buddies, which is fine, I guess, we should probably get somewhere safe. It’s getting dark, and there is shit in these woods I don’t want to meet.” 

“You’re probably right,” Elsabeth said. She turned to Hugo. “Where have you been staying all this time? Home?” 

“No, Elsie,” Hugo said softly. “Somewhere else. With these guys.” He gestured to his friends. 

“Lexie,” Hannah spoke up. “I can do the thingie. To get away.” 

“Are you sure?” Lex asked her softly, her hand on Hannah’s head. “All nine of us? That’s a lot, Banana.” 

“I can,” Hannah said determinedly. “Hands.” She grabbed Lyanna’s hand and also Lex’s. Lex sighed and nodded. 

Hugo took Lyanna’s other hand, and Elsabeth took one of his. She was about to take Noel’s hand when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to see David holding her knife out to her. She’d completely forgotten she’d dropped it. 

“Oh, right,” she said. “Thanks.” She took it from his hand, and slipped it back into her belt. Noel grabbed her hand before David could. Ethan grabbed her other and David grabbed onto Grace and Ethan’s hands. Grace closed the circle with Lex. Finally Hannah onodded, and she willed to be teleported to Hatchetfield. The name was left in her head. She hoped it was safe there. 

  
  



	5. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The newly formed group of friends make their way to what our escapees hope will be a safe haven

Hatchetfield was very run-down. The only place remotely pristine-seeming was, as it had always been, Pinebrook. The richest section of the town. Ethan led them up the hill and out to where there was a big, white mansion. Noel was clinging to him the entire time, and he was talking to her quietly. Elsabeth and her siblings were similarly attached, with Elsabeth holding both her siblings close. 

Lex and Hannah were walking together too, between Elsabeth, Hugo and Lyanna, and Ethan and Noel. Lex looked a little lost and apprehensive, staring at the destruction around them. There were small gardens dotting the hillsides, desperate attempts to get something to trade or eat. Houses that had been taken over by various survivors of the riots who hadn’t left or died since. 

Grace opened the door to the mansion, letting everyone inside. The walls were white, which didn’t make any of the new arrivals feel safe. Hannah hid her head in Lex’s side and Lyanna looked at Hugo to tell her if it was safe.

“It’s okay, Ly,” Hugo said softly. “This place is safe. I’ll show you around in a minute, and you can see someplace you can sleep. A real bed. There’s so many bedrooms in this place that we all get our own.” 

“Alone?” Lyanna said nervously. “Do I gotta sleep alone?” 

“No, sweet girl,” Elsabeth said immediately. “You can stay in my room if you want. Or with Hannah Banana if she’s okay with that.” She glanced at Hannah and Lex.

Hannah nodded. “With me.” She peeked out at the woman who came around the corner. She had long red hair that was braided down her back. Elsabeth took a deep breath as she saw the woman look at the golden mark on her face. 

“Becky,” Grace began. The woman, Becky, held up her hand to stop Grace. Without realizing, the older girls flinched and the younger girls took a step back. Becky noticed. 

“Who are they?” Becky asked. “They have the Eye of Horus. Want to tell me the story now before we move any further?”

“Becky,” Hugo said, moving to the front of the group, in front of his siblings. “These are my sisters, Lyanna and Elsabeth.” He gestured to his sisters in turn. “T-they were taken the day the others were. We found them on the trip today. The others are their friends.” He gestured to Noel, Lex, and Hannah. “They didn’t try to hurt us. Or, at least, they didn’t hurt us. Noel is Ethan’s cousin.”

“I didn’t know you had siblings,” Becky said softly. She ignored the other comment. Elsabeth looked at him with curiosity. 

“I didn’t tell you, or anyone,” Hugo said with a shrug. “Nobody knew about Ly or Elsie until today.” He glanced at them. “Do you want them to talk now, Becky?”

“If that’s okay with them,” Becky said, looking at Elsabeth instinctively to start talking. Elsabeth took a deep breath. 

“Um, to be honest, we don’t know much,” Elsabeth said. “A-at the facility, they got rid of a lot of our memories. I...We got out. We ran and Lyanna stuck her head out and saw Hugo. I remembered he was my brother after he gave me my charm bracelet back, same deal with Noel and Ethan’s jacket. We’re not exactly sure why, but….but we don’t remember much beyond that.” She stared down at the floor. 

“Becky,” Hugo said, staring up at her with a sort of fierceness. “You’ve been great to me, and I can't thank you enough for that. And I get if you’re scared. But lemme be clear, if Lyanna and Elsabeth go, then I go with them.” 

“I’ll have to talk to Tom about it when he comes back from the market, but they can stay,” Becky said. “Did you check to make sure they’re not, like, sick?”

“Ma’am, the facility was doused in chlorine regularly. I can assure you we’re healthy.” Noel spoke up. The words coming from her mouth surprised everyone. She was never that formal.

“That’s good to hear,” Becky said with a cautious smile. Grace handed her the bags of berries and Hannah’s eyes sparkled at the sight of a new treat. She’d never had berries before. Stale bread, flavorless soup, and watery peas were their dinner. Lex instinctively held her back from reaching or asking for some. Lex and Elsabeth had made the same calculation: their welcome was already thin, so making themselves as unobtrusive as possible was the best way to stay under a roof a little longer. 

“Do you guys want anything?” Grace asked, putting her bag down by the door.

“We’re okay,” Elsabeth said immediately. “Don’t worry about it.” None of them had really eaten anything since the day before leaving the facility, and it was obvious the little ones were hungry, but if there was two lessons that the facility taught her, it was, of course, how to lie, and secondly, if you didn’t ask for anything, people tended to be nicer to you. She pulled Lyanna close, and Lyanna rested her head against her side. 

David and Grace went upstairs to their rooms, leaving Ethan to show everyone around the house. He showed off the backyard and farm they’d begun, the apple trees and the cherry trees. Noel wore his jacket still, even when they were inside the warm house. 

“Ellie, you remember Linda Monroe?”

The name Linda made every single magic kid flinch. Elsabeth turned the color of the walls of the house, and Lyanna hid her head in her side again. Hannah went rigid, staring down at the ground, and Noel put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. Lex’s breathing turned shallow. 

“Please,” Elsabeth managed finally. “Don’t say that name.” 

“Sorry,” He apologized. “Um, this was, well, hers before Tom and Becky hid us all out in here. Nobody wanted to touch it with a ten-foot pole.”

  
“I wonder why,” Noel snapped. “Can we keep walking?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” Ethan said again. 

The house was nice, even if it had been Linda’s. Room after spacious room didn’t make it feel like there was six, now eleven, people living here. There was also decoration in some of the rooms, which made it feel more homey and less like it was the facility all over again. Ethan had told them that was due to Tom and Becky, who had said the house felt like a mental hospital or a prison. It made the little ones more comfortable in the house. Looking at the decorations, the older girls agreed it made them a little more comfortable as well.

“There’s a bunch of rooms here,” Ethan said. “It’s got like? Ten or eleven bedrooms or something crazy? Most of them have just been gathering dust, but now at least we have a good use for them.” 

“That’s if we’re allowed to stay,” Noel murmured, sinking into an armchair that looked out a window that faced the backyard. 

“You will be,” Ethan said firmly. “Becky’ll come around, and Tom, well, he’ll understand too. As soon as he comes home he’s gonna be down to let you all stay, trust me.” 

“I admire your optimism,” Elsabeth said. “With the things people say about us? What they say we did? I wouldn’t let me stay either.” 

“None of that stuff is true, though,” Ethan said. “Is it? About how you guys, uh….” 

“No,” Elsabeth said. “The explosion had already happened by the time we were there. My first memory, that hadn’t been wiped, was that we were locked in this underground…..thing while they brought in people to clean it up.” She looked up at him. “It was faulty machinery. They just blamed us so that if we tried to escape, it would be harder to find help.” She said it with such absolute certainty that it was incredibly hard to disbelieve her story. She knew for a fact, because Lord Boreal had told her as much one day, complaining about Ada’s ability to build the machines. Elsabeth had had a lot to drink that night, but she couldn’t quite get those words out of her head. All of it was based on a lie. Everything they knew was a lie. Hugo put a hand on her arm quietly. 

“If you’re asking if we killed people, no, we did not,” Noel said. Hannah and Lyanna had taken to sitting together, staring out the window. 

“Enough of us died in there without us having to kill each other,” Lex agreed bitterly. 

Before anyone could say anything further about that, the door opened and Becky was in the doorway.

“Tom’s home.”

“Okay,” Ethan said. He turned to the others. “Come on, guys. Tom’ll want to see you.” 

Elsabeth didn’t argue. Neither did any of the others. When an authority figure called, you came, without question or argument. They all went down the stairs. The three older girls stood in front of the little ones out of instinct. Lyanna held the back of Elsabeth’s shirt, Hannah gripping her hand tightly. Hugo clung to his siblings like he had all night, and Ethan stuck close to Noel. 

Tom put the meat on the counter loud enough for it to make a sound and the girls flinched back. They quickly sorted themselves out as if it had never happened and Becky cleared her throat, politely looking away.

“Tommy,” She said slowly. “Come here, won’t you?”

“What is it, hon?” Tom asked, coming into the parlor and stopping short. “Noel?” 

Noel didn’t know who this was, or how he was connected to her. With her luck, it was another cousin. 

“I’m sorry, who are you?” She kept her voice low and steady. 

“Noel,” Tom said again. He looked over at Elsabeth. “And….I recognize you, too. You were in my shop class for a couple weeks before this whole shitshow started.” 

“I-” Elsabeth swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember that.” 

“Tom,” Hugo cut in, stepping up in front of Elsabeth. “Um, maybe we should’ve given you the heads up, but none of them remember much. Whoever….whoever did this wiped their memories.” 

“I...I don’t know who you are,” Noel shook her head. “I’m sorry, sir.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Tom said. “How did you guys get here?” 

“Long story,” Ethan waved it off. “Can they stay? They’re healthy. A-and they need a place.” He took a deep breath. “None of that stuff people say is true. They’re not robots or monsters or anything like that, and Ellie’s my cousin and we’ve got the room-” 

“Ethan, Ethan,” Tom said, holding up a hand to slow him down. “You don’t have to give me a big, long explanation. They can stay.” 

There was a collective sigh of relief from everyone present. 

“We don’t have to go?” Lyanna said softly from behind Elsabeth. Hugo turned to her and tousled her hair. 

“No, sweetheart,” Hugo said softly. “We don’t have to go.” He bent down and kissed the top of Lyanna’s head. “Want to say hi to Tom?”

After a second of hesitation, Lyanna nodded slowly. Hugo smiled and picked her up before turning back to Tom. “Tom, this is Lyanna.” He held the small girl up, frowning at how skinny she was. “She’s my little sister.” 

Lyanna waved shyly. “Hi.” 

Tom smiled a little. “Nice to meet you, Lyanna, how old are you?”

Lyanna shrugged. She didn’t know. She was a little kid, that’s all she really knew.

“Ten,” Elsabeth spoke up. “Ten, um, ish.” She had no idea when Lyanna’s birthday was. She didn’t even know how old she was, technically. 

“Ly’s nine,” Hugo said. “Right? Her birthday’s in...February. The fourteenth. Valentine’s Day.”

“Oh,” Elsabeth said. She looked kind of ashamed she didn’t know that, even though it really wasn’t her fault. Hugo quickly changed the subject. 

“And then these are some of Ly’s friends, wanna talk about them, Ly?” He gestured to the rest of the group. 

“Uh,” Lyanna started slowly. “That’s Lexie and Ellie, they’re Elsie’s friends. And Hannah’s there. She’s my friend. She’s Lexie’s sister.” 

“I know Noel and Elsabeth,” Tom said softly. “Well, I did before all this.” He gestured around the room to imply the world-end. “Are you guys hungry?”

“The kids are,” Elsabeth spoke up. “We’ll, um, we’ll be okay.” She gestured to herself, Noel and Lex. Noel glared at Elsabeth. She could go for a meal right now. She hadn’t eaten before they’d escaped, giving it all to Lyanna and Hannah. Elsabeth shot her a look back that told her to keep her mouth shut, that now that they had a place to stay, for now, they shouldn’t ask for anything else. 

“Are you sure? We’ve got more than enough to go around,” Tom said. “Ethan, go get Grace. She’s good at cookin’ this stuff.”

Ethan nodded as Noel spoke up. 

“Actually, um, sir, we could all use something to eat,” she said. “If that wouldn’t be too much trouble, could we have some as well?”

“Of course,” Tom said. “Wouldn’t do for any of you to starve.” He smiled kindly at the girls. “You all should get a shower, or some rest, before dinner. It might be a bit.”

“A shower sounds…..amazing, right now,” Elsabeth admitted. 

“I’ll show you where the bathrooms are,” Ethan offered to Lex and Elsie. Noel didn’t look like she was going to move, sitting on the couch with Hannah. Hugo had Lyanna.

“Thanks,” Elsabeth said. 

“Elsie, I’ve got Ly,” Hugo murmured to her.

Elsabeth nodded, kissing the top of his head as she passed him with Lex and Ethan. Lyanna was leaning up against her brother’s shoulder, eyes closed. 

“Hey, Ly, we’re gonna go upstairs, okay?” He said to her softly. “You can lay down for a little while.” 

“Uh-huh,” Lyanna nodded, yawning. Hugo smiled at Becky and mouthed “thank you” before heading upstairs with her. That left Noel and Hannah on the couch, Noel running her fingers through Hannah’s hair to untangle it. Becky still looked a little apprehensive to have them around. To Noel’s surprise, Tom didn’t. She supposed it made sense. Tom apparently knew her, or something like that, so maybe he was more open to having them stay. Becky seemed to trust Tom, but maybe not his judgement on this one specific thing. 

“Are we safe?” Hannah asked Noel quietly, leaning her head on Noel’s chest.

Noel glanced up at Tom and Becky, who were talking quietly in the doorway to the kitchen. Becky still held the bags of berries Grace had brought in. 

“Yes, Hannah Banana,” Noel said. “We’re safe here. We’re safe.” 

She hoped she was right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this! Please leave a comment if you enjoyed! 
> 
> Come vibe on tumblr: 
> 
> Liv: @thegalwhoreallylikesmusicals  
> Kat: @just-a-side-kick


	6. Forgetting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has different reactions to forgetting everything. Grace hates it. Ethan hates it. Noel and Elsabeth on the other hand are willing to do anything to forget. Just for one night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWS for this chapter: Alcohol abuse/references to alcoholism 
> 
> Happy reading!!

Grace didn’t want to answer the door to her bedroom. As soon as Ethan had taken everyone on the grand tour, she’d gone up to her room and shut the door behind her. She needed some time to process and wallow in her own self-pity. Noel’s memories didn’t come back to her about Grace at all. Grace had been watching, waiting, after Noel took the jacket, hoping and wishing that Noel would look at her and remember everything. Alas, none of it happened. She never got that. Now Noel would barely look at her, and Grace couldn’t stand to be in the same room as the girl she’d had so many feelings for for so many years.

A knock on the door made her look up. 

“I’ll be down in a minute,” she sighed, starting to get up. 

“No, no.” David’s voice was the one outside the door. “It’s just me. Can I, um, can I come in?   


“Sure,” Grace decided. 

David opened the door to her room and slipped inside, shutting it behind him. “Hey,” he said, giving her a small smile. He registered the look on her face and sighed. “Crazy day, huh?” 

“This fuckin sucks,” Grace blurted out, lying back down on her pillows. 

“I know,” David said quietly. “My head’s still spinning, and I didn’t, um, have a thing with her. I can’t imagine….” 

“I mean, I have all these fantasies that someday she'd come back, or I’d find her, and everything would be okay again,” Grace said. “And now she’s back, and she doesn’t even remember who I am….and she’s….she’s different.” 

“She’s been through a lot, Gracie,” David said, sitting at the foot of her bed. “The way she looked ready to kill Ethan...she’s definitely been through some stuff.”

“I know,” Grace said with a sigh. “And I feel….really selfish for saying all that stuff, because they’ve obviously been through so much shit, but, I don’t know….I just….I wanted so badly for it to work between us.” 

“Maybe it will,” He stretched. “Maybe she just needs to readjust to being out of wherever they were. It seems like that might be what she needs.”

“She doesn’t even remember who I  _ am _ ,” Grace said. “And I don’t want to like, push anything, you know? Like, what if it never comes back?” 

“Well, then you start over again,” He said matter-of-factly. “If there’s anything of Noel in there, she’s gonna like you. It happened before and it’ll happen again.” 

“I hope so,” Grace said. 

“Me too,” David said. Grace watched as he fiddled with the watch around his wrist. It didn’t work anymore, but it had been their dad’s and David flat-out refused to throw it away. He’d grabbed it in their haste to get out of their house. “I know how much you missed her.” 

“Of course I missed her,” She rolled over and looked through her drawer for the pictures. She and Noel had grown up together. There were countless photos of them, whether from church events or community theater, or even them hanging out as they got a little older. Grace couldn’t even pinpoint when she’d fallen in love. At that point, she was very much in denial that she loved girls, and David had had to spell it out for her. 

_ “I just don’t get it,” She’d said to him, sitting out in front of the church while they waited for their parents to finish their choir thing. “Like, I want to do all this stuff with her. Isn’t that weird?” _

_ “Um, no?” David said, not looking up from whatever he was doodling on the back of his program. “You  _ like _ her. Anyone with two eyes can see that. Except her, apparently. And you.”  _

_ “Girls can like girls?” Grace’s eyes widened. “That’s a thing?” _

_ “Yeah,” David said with a shrug. “Ellie told me about it." _

_ “But the pastor says that liking girls if you’re a girl is wrong,” Grace protested.  _

_ “He’s the one that’s wrong, right?” He looked down at his program. “Dude, Noel likes you. She goes to church with us. She hears the same stuff and still feels like that.” He doodled another swirl on his paper. “What do you, like, want to do?” _

_ “Like, after this?” Grace said. “I’m hungry. I want food.”  _

_ “Me too,” David said. “I kinda meant about Noel, but do you think Mom and Dad’ll take us to Pizza Pete’s?”  _

_ “I hope so,” She said in response to Pizza Pete’s. “And, um, like...just stupid stuff. Give her flowers and hold her hand but not in a friend way.” _

_ “Oh, I know that,” David said, laughing a little. “I meant, like, are you gonna ask her out?”  _

_ “I don’t know,” She put her head in her hands. _

_ “She likes you, Grace,” David told her. “You’re gonna regret it more if you don't do it.”  _

Oh, how she regretted it now. She held her head in her hands, just like she had that day, and regretted never truly asking Noel out. There had been one kiss. One, brief kiss the night before she’d disappeared after Noel made her a cup of tea, and then Grace had panicked and changed the subject. 

“I should go help with dinner,” Grace wiped her eyes. “Tom’ll want me.”

“He’ll call you when he needs you,” David said. “You should probably take a second.” 

“No, I can cook,” She sniffled, drinking some water from the glass on her bedside table.

“Want me to help?” David asked. 

“Davey, that’s a really nice offer, and you’re great,” Grace said. “But the last time you tried to help me cook you nearly set the kitchen on fire.” 

“Just thought I’d offer,” David said, putting his hands up. “Seriously, Gracie…”

“You can do the dishes after,” Grace said with a smirk. 

David sighed. “ _ Fine _ .” 

\--

After dinner and after Hannah had peacefully fallen asleep on the couch, Ethan showed Noel to what would be her new room. It was the one right next to his, which she appreciated. 

“It’s nice,” She said softly, touching the soft comforter. The white walls were unsettling, but the blanket was oh so soft.

“Yeah,” Ethan said. “L-um, you know, she sucked, but she does have a nice house.” 

“Did you get rid of everything that was hers?” Noel turned to face him.

“We kept some of it,” Ethan said. “Basic stuff, well, it’s scarce, Ellie. We got rid of all her terrible decorations, but, like, not the couch and stuff and we didn’t repaint anything.” 

“When we can, I want to repaint this.” She said simply. “Anything but white and grey.”

“Believe me, I’m not a big fan of the color scheme either,” Ethan replied. “But, well, we gotta live long enough to do that first.” 

“I-I know,” Noel said. “I just don’t like these colors. I can’t deal with white everything.” She didn’t explain why. She didn’t think she had to. Didn’t he know about the facility?

“Ellie.” Ethan took a deep breath. “Where  _ were _ you? I mean, one day you were home and the next you just-” 

“No,” Noel shut it down. It was too fresh. “I don’t know.” What a lie. She knew where she had been. “I don’t have memories, remember?” 

“I know, but….” Ethan sighed. “You’re different, Ellie. Just...what happened to you? You're not the old Ellie...”

“No,” Noel agreed. “I’m not, and I don’t fucking know why, okay?” Another lie. She knew exactly why she wasn’t the same. Keep this up and she was going to turn in to Elsabeth. “Just...I don’t know.”

\--

Elsabeth, having gotten out of the shower and found her room, was wandering the upstairs, looking for her friends. She stopped outside Noel’s door and listened. 

“Ellie,” she said immediately. She knew that tone of voice from Noel. It was the kind of snappy tone she used when she was about to start crying. 

“Elsie?” Noel asked. “What’s up?”

“Can I come in?” Elsabeth asked. 

“Sure,” The door opened to show Noel and Ethan. Noel still hadn’t showered. Her eyes were getting red and Elsie could just tell she was holding back her emotions. “Hannah’s asleep downstairs. How was your shower?”

“Better than the-” Elsabeth cut herself off, looking at Ethan. “It was nice.” 

“Hot water?”

“Mhm,” Elsabeth said. “Hey, um, Ellie? Do you want to switch rooms with me? Mine’s blue.” 

“Is that too much of a hassle?” Noel asked.

“Ellie, I literally have jack shit to my name,” Elsabeth said. “It won’t be too much trouble to move my zero belongings in here.” 

“Elsie, are you sure-” Noel said. Elsabeth didn’t like all the white in the house anymore than she did. 

“I can just take the comforter from the other room, it’s got color,” Elsabeth said. “I’ll be fine.” She didn’t exactly sound convinced, and Noel wasn’t certain she actually wanted to do this. 

“Are you-”

“Yes, Ellie, I’m fucking sure.” Elsabeth crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at Noel, daring her to argue. 

“Ellie,” Ethan cut in. “Do you want to sleep in my room or-” 

“It’s fine,” Elsabeth said, cutting him off. “Ellie and I’ll be just fine switching rooms.” She gave Ethan no chance to push on Ellie for explanations or try to pressure her into making a decision. She knew he meant well, but he didn’t understand what the facility had done to their heads. Noel wasn’t a good decision maker anymore. Elsabeth remembered in the beginning, when she could make conscious decisions that benefitted herself. Now, though, she crumbled when asked to choose. It came from three years of never being able to choose much of anything. “I’ll show you where it is, Ellie.”

“Thanks, Elsie,” Noel said softly. Elsabeth took her arm and gently led her out of the room, leaving Ethan hanging back. They went into the blue bedroom. It was a pastel blue, a type of color Lyanna would like.

“Hannah’s room’s a darker blue,” Elsabeth explained. “Most of the other ones are white, but we’re trying to figure out how to get some color in there.” 

“Are you sure you want to switch?” Noel asked, taking Elsabeth’s hands.

“I’ll be okay, Ellie,” Elsabeth said. “Honest. Maybe i’ll find some sort of cloth to stick up on the wall or something. But I’ll live either way.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Elsabeth said. 

“Are you sure you can do this?”

“I’ll live,” Elsabeth said. That was her mantra. She’d said it a million times before and she’d probably say it a million times after. “Are you okay, Ellie?”

“I mean,” Noel said. “As okay as I can be, I guess.” She shrugged. “How about you?” 

“I’ll live,” Elsabeth repeated, almost robotically. 

“Elsie…”

“Noel, I’ll live,” Elsabeth said firmly. She took the comforter off the bed. “I’ll bring yours in in a minute. I know it’s white, but, since the rest of the room is blue….I just need a little color.” 

“Elsie,” Noel murmured. “Can...Can I have a hug?” The request was a surprise. Noel didn’t usually ask to be shown affection like that. Only when she really needed it.

Elsabeth just pulled Noel into her arms without saying anything, holding her close. Noel buried her face in Elsabeth’s shoulder, gripping the shirt she was wearing.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Elsabeth whispered to her. It was the same thing she told Lyanna in the facility when her little sister would cry. She’d never believed it herself, but being a good liar had its perks. Like right now. 

“No,” Noel shook her head, her voice choked with tears. “No.” 

“It is,” Elsabeth said, rubbing her back gently. “It’s gonna be okay. It’s gonna be okay.” She sat Noel down on the bed with her. Noel shook her head again, sniffling. Crying wasn’t something she did often, either.

“Where’s Ly? I wanna work with Ly.’ Noel said suddenly.

“She’s sleeping right now,” Elsabeth said. “I’ll give her a bath in the morning. She was exhausted, so we put her and Hannah to bed already.” She rubbed Noel’s back. “How can I help?” 

“Drinks?” Noel glanced up at her. “I wanna do the thing where I get so drunk my mind shuts off.”

“No, no,” Elsabeth said, clenching her fists. She hated how tempting that sounded. “We can’t do that anymore. Right? We can’t do that. The kids are around, and what’ll Tom and Becky think?” She stared down at the floor. “I don’t need that anymore. I don’t.” 

“I do,” Noel rubbed her eyes. “Ethan pointed out the liquor cabinet. I’m gonna go find it.” She went to get up.

“No, no, we can’t take it,” Elsabeth said. “I-I stole vodka from the kitchen at the facility. There’s a whole bottle in my bag.” Her resolve had crumbled. “We can drink that.” 

“Okay,” She closed the bedroom door and figured out how to lock it so nobody would come in. “You still don’t care if we share the bottle, right?”

“Not at all,” Elsabeth said, leaning her head on her knees. “We’ve done it for years, Ellie.” 

Noel rubbed her tears away and nodded. “Break out the vodka. We won’t get totally drunk off one bottle, but it’ll do.”

“It’ll do,” Elsabeth agreed. “And no one’ll know. No one needs to know.” 

Noel held out the bottle. “You first.” 

They finished the bottle quickly. They were both tipsy now. Elsabeth had a smile on her face for the first time since entering the house. Noel was a little more giddy than before.

“I want more,” she said, leaning up against Elsabeth. They sat on the floor together. 

“No,” Elsabeth said firmly. “No more.” 

“I would really like some more, please, Elsie?” Noel fluttered her eyelashes but dissolved into a fit of giggles.

“Nuh-uh,” Elsabeth said, poking her in the side. “No more. Alcohol’s bad!” She burst out in laughter. Noel continued to giggle, leaning back so she laid on the floor, resting her hands on her stomach.

“More sounds really good, though,” She got out through laughs.

“I know,” Elsabeth said. “It makes me happy.”

“Me too,” Noel agreed. “Makes me feel better.”

“But we can’t,” Elsabeth said, her words slurred now as the alcohol really began to kick in. “Or they’ll be mad at us. You know what happens when they get mad at us.” She sighed dreamily. “It feels so good though. It’s so nice to be happy for once.” 

“When was the last time we did this?” Noel asked in the same dreamy tone. “Like, for real?” 

“I think it was……” Elsabeth tilted her head aggressively. “Oh, when I told them someone was planning a revolution, and then he gave me whiskey. ‘Member? Or was it when those kids didn’t die at the test and so they said you could have some?” 

“Um, both?” Noel furrowed her eyebrows. “Think both were the same day or somethin’.”

“Oh.” Elsabeth nodded. “I think you’re right.” She glanced at the clock. “Wow. S’really late. Maybe you should go to bed, Ellie.” 

“Come to bed wi’ me,” Noel stumbled to her feet.

“‘Course,” Elsabeth said. “Help me up.” 

The two collapsed into giggles as they tried and failed to get Elsabeth up off the floor. It took them several minutes to get to the door, and Elsabeth pulled it open, only to stumble right into Tom and Becky, who stood outside. 

“Oh, uh,” Elsabeth said, standing up as straight as she could. “Hi!”

“Hi,” Becky said cautiously. “We came to check on you. Is, um, is everything alright?” 

“Yeah!” Noel said happily. “In fact, everything’s frickin’ great!” She gave them a tipsy smile.

“It really is,” Elsabeth agreed, nodding profusely. She leaned close to Tom and Becky. “You know, alcohol’s amazing. It makes everything  _ hurt _ less.” 

Tom and Becky just looked at her, a little startled by her declaration. Noel grinned and pulled Elsie along the hallway back to the white bedroom.

“No, Ellie, this is my room,” Elsabeth whined. “You’re in the blue room, remember?” 

“Thought we were sleepin’ in the same room.”

“Are we?” Elsabeth tilted her head. “Did we say that?” 

“Thought so,” Noel murmured. “They were there so I just went back to here.”

“Okay,” Elsabeth said, shrugging. She sniffed the air, and then grinned. “Jeez, Ellie.” She leaned close to her friend. “You need a  _ shower _ .”

“Shower tomorrow,” Noel crawled into the bed. Elsie shook her head.

“Shower  _ now _ .” Elsabeth hauled her back to her feet, dragging her out of bed. 

Even while tipsy, Elsabeth could help Noel shower well enough that the two of them stayed standing and safe. The warm water was also helping her buzz wear off a little, and she really,  _ really _ wished it hadn’t. She almost wished she’d just stayed out of the shower, but she hadn’t wanted her friend to fall. She’d kept her clothes on. She regretted that too. Now they were just wet and gross, and even though she’d gotten a change of clothes from Grace, she was so accustomed to the ones she was wearing she didn’t want to take them off. Noel didn’t put the comfortable clothes Becky must’ve put in the bedroom on, she kept the white shirt and khaki shorts on.

“You should change, Ellie,” Elsabeth said. She’d thrown on the sweatpants and sweatshirt from Grace, and was actually feeling a lot better about her chances of falling asleep. 

“Don’t want to,” Noel murmured. She climbed into bed and held her arms out for Elsabeth. “Elsie, come on.”

“Whatever,” Elsabeth said. “Go to sleep.” She flopped down on her side of the bed, turning away from Noel and closing her eyes. 

Grace rolled out of bed the next morning, walking by the open door to see Noel snuggled up to Elsabeth, fast asleep. She swallowed hard and looked away. She had no right to be angry with Noel, or Elsabeth. Tears blurred her vision still when she made her way downstairs and out to the farm to try and clear her head. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be after all. Maybe Noel’s memories being wiped was for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Be sure to leave a comment if you enjoyed! 
> 
> Shameless self promo: 
> 
> Tumblrs:   
> Kat: @just-a-side-kick  
> Liv: @thegalwhoreallylikesmusicals

**Author's Note:**

> please please please leave a comment if you read !
> 
> Also shameless self-promo!!
> 
> tumblrs: 
> 
> Kat: @just-a-side-kick  
> Liv: @thegalwhoreallylikesmusicals


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